Cathartic therapy and getting up to date!

Ive not blogged for ages!

I'm just so busy, and a lot of that busy busy business is writing, reading/researching as well as frequent journeys to Maidstone and back, meetings and talking or listening.  So words are important. The best therapy is often music or good food. The trouble is good food often calls for good wine and I've probably had too much at times: not drunken excesses, just too much and too often.

An overload of words has meant I've just avoided-not wanted-blogging.

I am also so lacking in time and energy. The role of Council Member is quite onerous, especially if you throw yourself into various issues, of which my Ward has plenty. 

Now my Ward is a very demanding one. Do I sit around and let things happen?  Then react. Or do I take on a proactive position and use my insight and perception to grasp issues and attempt to address them? In most cases this needs a quite wide ranging strategy, or set of strategies, to engage in various ways, with many people, agencies and organisations.  Take Planning: thats a wide and diverse field. It needs engagement with several different Officers in the Planning Dept, interaction with Kent County Council regarding roads, schools, Social services, Flooding/Drainage, then an understanding of Health Services, a grasp of Community issues and those that may address them such as the Voluntary sector and frankly much more.

So I take it on! Then I become Vice Chair of the Planning Committee and have more roles and responsibilities...and more meetings. A VC normally gets involved with everything a Chair does.

I then get involved in other roles, as a grasp of Planning means a very good insight into other matters.

I'm also quite good at Finance issues and Policy with a business & management background. I know a lot of management needs and actions, so I get onto the Audit Committee, the Policy and Resources Committee. I also sit on several "outside bodies" hoping to help and support them with their direction.

It all means lots of hours, travel and needs.

Latterly its been stressful with some serious issues to address, including one organisation with a lack of funding support and close to the edge and another TWO with serious personnel and redundancy problems together with legal claims.

And whatever people say about Politicians, we do it as volunteers. I only receive a modest "allowance" to oversee my Ward and an ability to claim mileage, but only for Official meetings with Officers. My Ward is 8 miles by 8 miles. That means any personal visit, check/inspection, call etc is all part of the allowance and we cant claim miles for that. When some people could walk round their ward! 

Then I have an 87 year old mother with serious needs where I act as Power of Attorney. I live with her, it can be quite oppressive . I have a partner that lives miles away: thats not as I would wish, nor her.

And Im not that fit and able, having had a serious road accident 30 years ago.

In the last month, its all come to "hit me". Ive had some illness periods before, but Ive felt so tired for months. Now I seem to be debilitated and unable every day.

Ive taken a leave of absence. Im awaiting a hospital consultation. I want to know whats going on. I feel awful. 

  

Life seems to be Groundhog day...too often

I have a holiday. I get back. I go to meetings, some mornings and afternoons and also every week  night, for 2 weeks and I feel ill. Very very ill.

I have a mother that demands and issues ultimatums. I have daily crises from her that need discussions with her or others and an attempt to get her to grasp reality and any consequences. Every simple matter equals a panic and more problems.

I will list those matters........soon. They key one is any Doctor just sees it as an ageing process. They dont see the panics, the reactions, the effects nor the processes that lead up to it or from it.

I am tired so tired. What is my life? Does it have a purpose? I'm an elected member of the Council...and theres so much to do, much to address and so little resource to deal with it. A government that is pre-occupied and fails to grasp major issues...that some of us feel impotent to deal with.......is this life? It certainly typifies the sense of many of us and our hopelessness. No wonder the young feel ostracised and stressed.

I must make changes. They have to be drastic. I need to enjoy the remaining years, not suffer and stress myself out. At least I can see the issues and obstacles..hopefully the solutions too.

But I dont quit!

Thinking........I still need to make my contribution to my community.......but.......how......????

Or do I simply move away?